last01standing: (Lindsey Red)
[personal profile] last01standing
Author: Spastic_visions
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter. If you don't know that, I fear for your sanity.
character: I'm torturing Harry... again... but it's mostally mental torture. Angsty.
summary: "You’re the hero, right?"
author's note- Originally posted late 2004. Also posted under my other journal [Bad username or site: @]. Beta-ed by [ profile] pyro_wizzard who told me I was disturbed. To this day I have never written fluff in this fandom...

Hero’s Weakness

In the end the hero’s always alone. You’ve known that for a long time, not so much because you saw it coming, but because that was just the way it went. They stripped you down slowly, took away your future, your hope, your support.

Your friends.

That’s the thing that hurts the most.

But you should have known the dangers, should have seen them coming.

You’re the hero right?

Only you’ve never seen yourself as a hero at all. You don’t even remember what you’re a hero for. You were only a baby when it happened. Only a baby when you supposedly saved the bloody world. And you aren’t even truly responsible for doing that.

But, as it turns out, that’s what screwed up your whole life, destroyed anything that touched it.

Or maybe you did that yourself.

After all it was you who got them killed.

It was you who didn’t have the balls to finish Voldemort when you’d had the chance. You blew it and now you’re more alone than ever with only got yourself to blame. You just didn’t have the guts to make the killing curse work. Maybe you didn’t even want it to work. After all, that last sliver of innocence is that only thing you have yet to loose.

You’re afraid that when that’s gone you’ll be just like him.

Just like Voldemort.

And they think you’re a hero. Bloody pathetic is what they are (what you are). They went and put all their hopes on a seventeen year old who’s on his last thread as it is. You’re not a hero. You’re lucky if you can even claim sanity.

It’s them who are the heroes. Ron and Sirius and Ginny and Hermione and Dumbledore and Remus…

And what a coincidence, you good as killed them all.

Sirius was the biggest mistake, your first mistake (but that’s only when you forget Cedric. You should never forget Cedric. But you do.) and with Sirius you lost your guidance, lost the closest thing you had to a father figure (it was your fault). You and your bloody hero complex. Voldemort played you, and it wasn’t even the first time and deep down you know you should have seen it coming.

How many friends have you gotten killed? (Murderer) At least Voldemort is upfront about what he really is.

Ron’s body crumpled in front of you.

The curse was meant for you.

You got him killed. You got them all killed. Him and Hermione and…

“So this is being the hero.” Ron’s dry laugh came out more like a cough, blood dripping from his mouth and splattering to the ground.“Overrated if you ask me.” The last bit of life was slipping out of him. “You’ll beat him in the end.”

And Sirius and Remus and Dumbledore and Ginny and Neville

Draco’s voice haunts you. “Every death in this war is on your head Potter.”


Hermione was spying on them, undercover as a deatheater, she had information, important information that she never got to tell you.

“It’ll be ok Harry.”

You never saw her again (it wasn't ok.)

And your life isn’t about being ok anymore (not that it ever had been), it’s about the war. It’s about killing the bad guy before he kills you.

Seamus’s face swims in front of you. “It’s not going to be pretty man, but we’ll get you a shot at him. It’s just up to you to end it.” He looks at the battle, fire burning in his eyes. “Just wait for the signal.”

So you’re waiting. Waiting while they go and get killed just so you can have a chance at banishing the evil you’ve almost started to sympathize with. Because it’s starting to dawn on you that being evil is a hell of a lot easier than being good. (and that realization is what will lose you the war.)

You have nothing left to live for (no one left to die for), so why not just give in?

You want to, only you can’t. Because if you gave up now, that would make their deaths meaningless and you wouldn’t be able to live with that, assuming you lived at all.

So you sit there and listen to the screams of the battle and you remember that it was your friends that had always gotten you out of the jams before. (Your friends that saved you.)

With them gone, you’re nothing, without them you wouldn’t even be alive now.

Your insides freeze up, not because of nerves, (you’ve been ready for this for a long time) but because you suddenly realize that you’re only going to get this one shot at him.

And somehow, you’re sure you’re going to miss.


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