last01standing: ([SPN] Brothers Winchester)
[personal profile] last01standing
Title: Empty Spaces
Rating: PG
Word Count: 900
Summary: There's a hole in Lisa's mind. [episode tag to 6.21]
Author's Note: I had a crappy day so I'm writing about characters who have it worse.



EMPTY SPACES


There's a hole in your mind that doesn't go away. It's the nagging that claws at your consciousness, the inexplicable feeling that there should be someone different in the corner of your eyes. You're three states away from home when you're discharged. That doesn't seem at all strange to you, but there's a little piece, barely audible, that demands to know, Why this isn't strange? Why you were there?

Everything in the house feels just a little bit skewed, like someone snuck in and moved every single object a centimeter to the left. You spend almost an hour staring at the picture of your family, wondering what possessed the photographer to frame it like that, with a gaping white space where, aesthetically, there should be a person.

There's a shotgun in your pantry, fully loaded, and a distressing amount of rock salt. The gun feels natural against your fingers and one weekend you take a two hour drive to a target shooting range, put the gun in Ben's hands, and sit in awe as the clay targets shatter.

Ben's smiling when he gets in the car, and you remember your best friend in high school, killed by a stray bullet in a 7-11 robbery. You wonder when guns became okay in your household.

The strangest things start to catch your eyes, and before you realize it, you're saving clips of strange crimes from the local paper, squinting through the grain of the photos, searching for a black behemoth of a car.

You wish you knew why it feels so important.

"Why haven't you dated anyone lately?" Ben asks, swirling the Trix around in his cereal bowl. His milk has been dyed red and when you blink you think the shade has darkened to the crimson color of blood.

"Mom?"

"I guess I just haven't found the right guy."

"You used to go out with people all the time."

"Do you want me to start dating again?"

"No," Ben replies quickly. "It's you and me against the monsters, right? We don't need anyone else."

It's monsters that catch your attention now. They leer out from movie posters, and flash in a stranger's eyes. When you do your crossword in front of the television at night, you find yourself doodling strange symbols in the margins. They're for protection, though you can't say how you know.

The three weeks you take to recover from your car accident go by too quickly. Ben heads to and from school on his bicycle rather than the bus, because according to him, the bus driver gives him the creeps, but most strangers give Ben the creeps now.

You wonder when your son became such a loner. He was never like this before you moved.

You wonder why you moved.

The first day back at the Yoga studio is the first time you feel like your feet are under you. The women in your class are all loose and smiling, and the man teaching the self-defense class afterwards lets you audit without charge. While yoga still feels fun, self-defense feels serious. Feels like life or death. You're scarily good at it.

When you get home, Ben has dumped a line of salt on every windowsill. You wonder if you should take him to a psychiatrist but you know they would never understand.

And there's a conviction deep inside you that says if Ben's a psych case, so are you.

The wrongness starts to seep out through the edges of your life, or maybe you just get used to it. When you run across one of your friends from your old neighborhood, you feel almost normal until she asks, "Whatever happened to that man of yours?"

You blink. "It's been a while since I had a man."

"No, I could have sworn. Dave or something. Nice fellow. A bit sad and a little abrasive, but my god, the ass on that man."

"I think you must be thinking someone else."

She frowns. "Yeah, I guess so. Too bad too, if I remember right, the guy was just your type."

Back at the house, it's two beers before you stop shaking. Ben's on the couch, watching an episode of Doctor Who on BBC America. "I don't think you could ever just erase someone from your mind," he says. "Because it wouldn't just be you would it? How many other people would you have to change? You could never get them all."

It should just be inane chatter about a science fiction import you couldn't care less about, but it sticks in your mind and haunts your dreams until Ben's nightmare shoots you into consciousness. He's screaming at the top of his lungs about vampires, which is strange because between Twilight and Buffy, this is not a generation that fears the vampire.

You dash to his bedroom in a panic that greatly exceeds the situation. Ben wakes up, limbs thrashing, grasping for the drawer at his bedside table where a massive switchblade sits gleaming in the moonlight.

He doesn't calm down but the flailing attack ends with his arms thrown around your neck as he buries his face in your shoulder. His tears are hot and stick against your skin, and he's sobbing, "Dad, dad."

Which you think is massively strange until you realize he's actually saying Dean.

You feel that emptiness again, the one you can't explain.

(no subject)

25/6/11 02:11 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] thegeminisage.livejournal.com
Oh, ouch. ;____; Poor Ben. I wish Dean hadn't done it D:< He should've known it was a crappy thing to do.

This was beautifully written, I really enjoyed it. <3

(no subject)

27/6/11 21:58 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
Thank you so much.

[The more I think about this plot point, the more pissed I get. I hope it all blows up in Dean's face.]

(no subject)

25/6/11 08:03 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] blackcat333-99.livejournal.com
Beautifully haunting. Interesting what-if play on the consequences of being careful what you wish for. Curse of the monkey's paw. Oh Dean. That path of good intentions...

(no subject)

27/6/11 21:59 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

26/6/11 16:06 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] montana-rosalie.livejournal.com
This is great. I though Dean decision was so damn stupid. If Lisa & Ben forget about him, they forget about monsters too, and they don't stand an iota of chance against an attack.

(no subject)

27/6/11 22:00 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
God, I'm half expecting for Lisa and Ben to turn up corpses next year. And I love Lisa.

Glad you enjoyed this.

(no subject)

27/6/11 14:20 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] tifaching.livejournal.com
Yup. That's what's going to happen, all right. You can't change everyone, and even Ben and Lisa remember on some level.

This was amazing, thanks for sharing!

(no subject)

27/6/11 22:01 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
It's more that supernatural has demonstrated you can't change history. You can wipe Dean if you want, but it doesn't change the fact that when Ben was a kid, some of his friends were changeling'd. All it does is take away the knowledge.

This twist squicked me pretty bad, can you tell?

(Thanks for reading.)

(no subject)

27/6/11 16:44 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] tabaqui.livejournal.com
Ah, man.
*sniffle*

How creepy and yet...heartbreaking.

(no subject)

27/6/11 22:01 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
Sounds like I got the combination right then. Thanks for reading.

Empty Spaces

28/6/11 06:07 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] catsintheattic.livejournal.com
Ouch. Yes. I can see that happening. It wasn't fair to have their memories erased. I get why Dean did it (more as a punishment and burning bridges for himself than anything else), but that doesn't make it right.

Re: Empty Spaces

9/7/11 22:33 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
I'm always pissed at memory wipes as a plot device. But hey, at least I got a fic out of it.

Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

28/6/11 11:19 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] borgmama1of5.livejournal.com
Nice exploration of the ramifications of the memory wipe.

It can't work completely.

It would be awesome if show followed up on it...but since that's unlikely, fics like these will have to suffice.

(no subject)

9/7/11 22:35 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
I would love follow up on Ben/Lisa. And hey, you never know, it might happen. SPN does like to recycle characters they've already written out [Ellen, Jo, Meg, YED...]

Thanks for reading!

(no subject)

28/6/11 13:26 (UTC)
ext_11786: (Default)
Posted by [identity profile] dotfic.livejournal.com
So sad for them. I really hope canon looks at the long-term consequences of it, that Ben and Lisa will at least get talked about again. Dean didn't think that through.

(no subject)

9/7/11 22:35 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
I would love to see something about the long-term stuff in canon. Doubt it happens but a girl can dream, right?

Glad you liked it.

(no subject)

28/6/11 14:04 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] rince1wind.livejournal.com
Gaaaah! Doesn't it just feel like something that will undo of its own accord? As if the erasure of someone who had that much effect on you and yours couldn't really be woven properly into your life-fabric? Pick it apart and it would start unravelling -- just as you portray it, maybe?

(no subject)

9/7/11 22:37 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
It really does seem like something that might undo itself. Especially with Cas going off the deep end. Could be very cool if the show decides to play with it. =)

(no subject)

28/6/11 14:41 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] graymouse.livejournal.com
This...

"Ben's on the couch, watching an episode of Doctor Who on BBC America. "I don't think you could ever just erase someone from your mind," he says. "Because it wouldn't just be you would it? How many other people would you have to change? You could never get them all.""

that right there sums up the only part of the finale that I really absolutly keep coming back to and cannot handwave away.

Castiel didn't create a new/alternate reality around them, right? He just wiped out their memories of Dean. So everyone else around them probably remembers them...her sister, Ben's friends, the guys from the construction crew...like ripples on a pond. Not even mentioning the idea that the people and events in your life help shape who you are at this moment. Ripping Dean out would rip out a part of how Lisa and Ben have become the people they are. And it's like a big psychic do-over for Dean since he doesn't have to deal with them trying to deal with what Crowley put them through.

(no subject)

9/7/11 22:39 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
I'm pretty sure Cas can't alter everything. Because that would involve changing the past, yes? And canon's confirmed the major consequences of this.

GAH, I hope they don't ignore this, because it could be soooo much fun to play with.

(no subject)

30/6/11 03:39 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] turquoisetumult.livejournal.com
I'm in awe at the amount of poignancy that this piece portrays through its conciseness. Just beautiful! I really hope we get something like this in the show, thought that's highly unlikely. :(

Fabulous job!

(no subject)

9/7/11 22:39 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
Thank you so much for the kind words. =)

(no subject)

20/9/11 11:56 (UTC)
jebbypal: (Default)
Posted by [personal profile] jebbypal
Oh, lovely. While I got the motivation for this, I still feel like they neglected the obvious, eg, that as long as Dean remembers Ben and Lisa, they will be targets. But the writers had him keep his memories so we could get woobie dean.

Love your Lisa here. Great job!

(no subject)

13/10/11 03:40 (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] trolllogicfics.livejournal.com
I've not been watching SPN this year, but I can only hope Lisa does make another appearance. She was a badass. Thanks for reading!

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